Thursday, July 29, 2004

An Apology

I want to apologize to my readers. I have been away for a while and have not updated in a very long time. I will try to come up with something soon to write about. Again, I apologize and hope I have not upset anyone.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

The Long Way Home

"We have to leave by 8:00 a.m.," was the last comment heard before I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep. At 8:34 a.m. I was pretending to be dead to the world so no one would wake up. I wanted to sleep a little longer. By 8:42 a.m., Chad was beginning to stir. We were on the road not a minute past 9:08 a.m. Not too bad if you ask me.
Our first stop was Hoover Dam. Chad, being the history buff that he is, gave us the dam tour. "The Hoover Dam was built in 1846 by the Comanche Indians." The rest of his tour was bogus.
We were all taken aback by the awesome sight that the Hoover Dam is. If you have not seen this amazing achievement I recommend you do. It is something that should not be passed up. We made our way to the middle of the dam. When we got to a nice spot, Clint began to open the vile that his father was resting in. James asked if anything should be said and Clint immediately rejected the idea.
"Well, here we go," Clint said as he dumped the tube over and let the ashes drift away with the wind. It only took a few seconds for the awkwardness to set in. None of us knew what to say. We never met the guy and Clint didn't want to talk about it. We stood there in silence for about fifteen seconds and then James attempted to get things moving by saying, "So, do you want any pictures?"
After sightseeing for another twenty minutes, we got in the car and started the long journey home. We didn't stop again for anything besides gas or a bathroom until lunch. We ate at an Indian Casino about ten miles outside of Albuquerque. "Did we gamble?" you might ask. Does Clint fold pocket aces? Yes.
Clint also won $20 off of Chad from proposition bets. One wager was Clint couldn't throw a pebble to the highway from about thirty yards away. Mark one for Clint. The second bet was even tougher. From twenty yards away, Clint had to hit a speed limit sign with a rock. Clint nailed it right in the middle of the sign. Chad was at a loss for words. He was even quieter when a police officer pulled up two seconds later asking how we were doing. We gave him the sob story of just left Vegas and it's two in the morning. He left us alone and we were off again.
Not much else happened along the way; however there were a lot of great quotes. I will now record the top 10 quotes of the trip.

10. "I'll see your thousand and raise you your soul." - Chad
9. "He was down by the idiots and I was by the retards." - Clint8. "If I'm sleepy, I'm not driving." - Chad
7. As we passed adobes Clint said, "You white people force us to live in those." I came back with, "Your people lived in those before we were here." "Yeah, but now you force us to live in them and sell fireworks and jewelry." - Clint
6. Clint asked, "Do you know how they told Kristyn Cade might have Down syndrome?" I responded with, "What'd they do, give her a book, Down Syndrome and You?"5. "The Hoover Dam was built in 1846 by the Comanche Indians." - Chad4. "I've got the best way to commit suicide. Fill your pockets with candy. Fill your shirt with candy. Fill your hat with candy. Then jump off a building so when you hit the ground it will look like a big pinata exploded. People will say, 'Someone committed suicide! Oh, a snickers.'" - Chad3. 1:12 p.m. - "All black people steal. Either through affirmative action or just by bum rushing you and stealing your wallet." - Anonymous
1:14 p.m. - As a car with a confederate flag passes us on I-40, "Man, some people are ignorant." - Anonymous
2. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless you need a prescription to get rid of it." - BartAnd the winner of the funniest quote is...
1. "I may be the smallest guy at this table, but I will still kick your ass." - Me
This has been the summary of Getting Kicked in the Junk by Vegas 2004. I hope you enjoyed it and I will now return to my usual rants about ignorant people and our hopeless society.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Day Three

To keep these a bit shorter and not bore quite so many of you, I will stick to the basics of what happened on Saturday. After waking up around 11:00, we decided to travel to the north end of the Strip. This portion contains such greats like Treasure Island and The Mirage. It is at The Mirage where we spent most of the day.
Clint, Chad and Bart found a new game they think is glorious. It's called Spanish 21. I'm not quite sure how you lose money at this game. It is an alternate version of blackjack. However, this is where it gets crazy. There are no tens in the deck (but face cards still count as ten) and if you don't like the looks of your double down odds, you can pull it back. Clint fell in love with the game (until the second day he played it).
James and I decided to try poker (the Mirage poker room is the center of the poker world according to the film Rounders). We were put at the same table, right next to each other. By the end of the first two hours, James had mucked a full house and I was on tilt. James had 5's over J's and was called by a guy with the nut flush. James didn't flip his hand over to show what he had. He didn't realize he had the full house until I told him three hands later. James now flips his cards every hand. A tough lesson learned.
I became angry at a hand where I was beat by three Q's and I had three J's. Something you need to know about me is that I get very angry at bad beats and take it personally. I went on tilt and couldn't shake it for the rest of the game. I lost $100 at The Mirage.
Luckily I had another poker tournament at Sam's Town that night. Chad and I were the only two who played in it from our group. The others went back to the hotel room and watched The Girl Next Door. The shameful twins and their mom were in the tournament again. I was at the final table with two of them. When I took one of them out, I leaned over to shake her hand and she would have none of it. How rude is that. She wouldn't even shake my hand.
Chad did much better in the second tournament. His goal was to make it through ten hands. He finished 8th. Good job Chad.
I, however, did not do quite as well as the previous night. I only finished 3rd and won $550. I did prove all you need is a chip and a chair though. I went all-in against a guy and lost. It left we with $1,000 and the blinds were $1,000-2,000. Unfortunately, I was also the small blind. With six people in the game, I tripled up to $3,000, tripled up to $9,000 and then doubled up to $18,000. I then worked my way to the chip leader, but a bad bet cost me a lot of chips. I put $15,000 in the pot and put a guy all-in on a bluff. If I had known that was all he had, I would have only bet about $5,000. This cost me the chip lead and I then finished 3rd.
Afterwards, Chad and I met up with the others at Bellagio and we had a good night wandering the town. After a few hours, we went home and prepared for our last full day in Las Vegas.