The Horror, The Horror

Let me tell you what the most heart chilling declaration in a poker game is. Although, "I'll put you all in," and, "How much more do you have?" are scary, those are not it. It's not even, "I believe they call it the boat." The most dreadful statement in poker is, "Well, I'm tired and want to go home anyway. I'll call."
This kind of call is the worst one because it ruins any play you are trying to make. If you are bluffing then the person is not paying full attention to the hand and isn't laying down what he thinks is an inferior hand. If you want a call and you hear him say this, you now know you are going to be drawn out on.
This occurred to me the other night while playing in a light, fun game of ten people. I had been playing pretty well. For the first 45 minutes, the only hands I was able to play were pocket pairs, but they were good to me and I had quadrupled up after about two hours of playing. I had made a few bluffs on some people for some nice size pots. I was laying down good hands because of a few reads on people. Yet, it wasn't good enough because I started to dwindle when it diminished to six players. Then I received a wired pair of eights.
I raised it pre-flop to reduce the playing field and I got a few calls. The flop came with 9-4-2. A pretty good flop for my pair. I bet a little bit at it. Brent called me. The turn was a 2. I thought about how the hand was going and I looked at Brent. Don't ask me how I knew, but I was pretty sure I was winning the hand then. I said, "This might be a mistake, but I'm going to go all in." Brent thought about it for a little while and then he said it. He emitted the sound, "I'm tired. I'll call."
I lowered my head in shame and said, "Well, I'm beat." A guy asked if I was bluffing and I replied with, "No, I'm winning right now but I will be beaten by the end." Sure enough I was winning. Brent was holding K-4 offsuit. The river flipped over with a 4. I was beat by a full house. I believe they call that the boat.
Here is a tip for any new poker player. Never, no matter how tired you are, say, "I'm ready to go home. I'll call." It is bad etiquette.

Christmas Presents

It's Christmas now and I have received some of my presents. I got a few shirts, which at what age do people start to enjoy getting clothes? I got two books from my dad about the history of America (one is on the subject of the Indians). I'm excited to start those. I also got a board game called Scene It, but it is the Turner Classic Movies edition. Joanna gave me the original and now I want to get the 007 edition also.
However, all of these gifts are insignificant to the big one. You know the one. Everyone gets the big one. This year my big one is the Atari flashback console. I am a nostalgic man who loves the games of old. I can now play 20 classic games like Centipede, Breakout and Asteroids. I enjoy games that are simple and basic. Save the princess from Bowser without having to run in a 360 degree rotation while firing from two weapons and strafing with the R5 button. Just let me run, jump and dodge goombas. So now I get to play the classics all over again. But wait, there's more. Added onto my Atari, Santa (I KNOW HIM) gave me Frogger. I love Frogger. It's up there with Tetris and Duck Hunt.
I have had a great Christmas so far and I should get my Best Buy gift cards tomorrow when the Mangrem clan gets together to exchange gifts. I am really excited about this Christmas.

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve and time to kick off the holiday right by renewing an annual tradition I will be committing myself to for the third year now. I enjoy a viewing of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. This is the only tradition I have left because my family changes everything around. So, tonight it will be me and the Griswolds taking pleasure in our family traditions. I hope you have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

Yet Another Milestone Is Reached

Despite many conflicts occurring on my blog I have reached the big 400 today. Yeah for me.

Nothing New

Not much has been going on since Christmas. I have been playing a lot of poker, but not much else. I just felt like I had to post something. So here it is. Nothin new going on but I will keep you updated.

It's A Girl...And A Boy!

After months of it being me and my crabs, Corby and Sonny, I have had a new addition to the family. For my birthday/Christmas gift, Cassidy bought me two goldfish. One is the typical orangish gold and the other is a silver fish with gold tips on the tail.
Joanna got me my first two crabs Talullah and Corby. Sadly Talullah has passed on and we replaced her with another crab who was murdered by Corby. Sonny was then placed in the death cage with Corby and has survived for a long time.
I now have two more bodies to be responsible for. They are named Tabatha Fish and Poolan Sanj Poolan Sang. They are very cute and swim around in their cove at the bottom of the tank.
I am proud to be the parent of both crabs and fish. However, because they are step-siblings from different mothers I hope they get along like the Brady family did. Here's the story, of a man named Matt...

The Change Is Here

The life changing experience I have listed in the ABOUT ME column to the right has come upon me. After certain events occurring over the last few days, I've decided to grow up. It sucks. I know. I'm not terribly excited about it, but it must be done.
During the catch up conversation with Stephanie in Nacogdoches, I realized I am rather pathetic. I have no job, I live with my mother and I have no hope for a real future. I was rather down about the whole realization, but not enough to do anything about it.
Next, I found out the place I was going to move into was being sold to finance the buying of another house. Although it sucks my house is being sold, I wouldn't be quite as mad except of who is screwing me. It is my own family who are making me homeless. However, when I say homeless I really mean I have to stay with my mom longer until James and I figure out what to do.
My cousin is wanting to move into a bigger home and to finance her new shelter my uncle is selling the house I was going to move into. Sucks pretty big, but by itself it's not enough to make me want to change anything about myself.
Yet, when the two single events occur in a time frame of less than five days it makes me realize a change is needed. If I happen to find a job before the house is sold, I could buy it and still move into my house. If I don't find a job in time, I can still find a good job and stop subbing and getting by paycheck to paycheck. It would be nice to start a little nestegg again. I had a respectable account built up before I graduated from dealing drugs to all the fraternities and rich kids of Nacogdoches, but it has dwindled to nothing after gambling and road trips. Just kidding about the dealing drugs part by the way.
So I now have to put some things together and figure out what I want to do. It was a nice run, but all things must come to an end. Things that were important to me before must be lowered on the list of priorities. When I am financially, mentally and emotionally balanced, I will then worry about the other aspects of life. However, until then I ask you to push me to find the perfect job that is waiting for me out there.

My Fourth Rant

I have blogged about the idiotic trend of putting up signs for presidential and other government nominees in your yard. I have also touched on my disdain for bumper stickers, especially for presidential and other government nominees. Let me tell you who the worst of the worst are though.
The ones who put a bumper sticker for Kerry/Edwards on their car and then don't take it off after the election is over. How pathetic is this? Your candidate lost and now you can't take off your stupid bumper sticker. Oh no, instead you have to prove to the country that if things had gone your way, it would be better.
We don't care who you voted for. We didn't care before and we certainly don't care after the election is over. Take the sticker off and move on with your life. Complain about how the government is going down the toilet because of our terrible president and remember to tell us everything bad about the guy, but fail to mention any flaws of the guy you were wanting to put in the oval office. Just please do one thing for me, take off your stupid bumper sticker. Thank you.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

The last three days I have been in Nacogdoches. My friend Jesse called and told me the President's Christmas Reception was on Thursday night. When I was in college I attended the reception every year. I even had to get off work to go, which I worked for the company that catered the party. That was always an interesting challenge. Chad and I decided to go down and spend a few days in Nac and have some fun.
We arrived Wednesday at 2:00 p.m. and the first thing we did was to go eat C13 at Peking. C13 is the label for General Tsao's Chicken. You may have had General Tsoa's Chicken before, but it is nothing like what Peking can do. It is the best Chinese food in the United States.
After lunch we went and played 36 holes of frisbee golf on the best frisbee golf course in Texas. I know I keep calling everything the best, but it really is. I have played on a few courses throughout the Lone Star State and not a single one compares to the beauty, the break up of simple and difficult holes or the distribution of trees. Some courses have no trees what-so-ever and some courses are surrounded by forests. Pecan Park is the perfect layout for a frisbee golf course. It is the Pebble Beach of frisbee golf (but without the beach). I won $15 on the golf course and then we moved on to poker.
The first night we played limit poker. It was a large game of eight of us. However, when you play 50 cent max bet and you start off with $5, it is hard to make moves to bluff or buy pots. It wasn't a lot of fun the first night. I lost about $10.
Thursday started off with the plan being to play some more frisbee golf and then go shooting pumpkins, books and other paraphernalia. That plan was shot when it rained all night. We went to the back-up plan. After making a bet with Chad during an episode of Saved By The Bell we went to go eat lunch.
Jesse reminded me of a new restaurant in Nacogdoches. It is called Kinfolks. The reason this establishment is special is because it is run by my old boss at catering. Her name is Sheryl. She and I didn't end our working relationship on the best foot. She is the last person who should be owning a business. The food was pretty good. Jesse says it is the best chicken fried steak in the world. Nacogdoches has a lot of hidden treasures. I think she was actually glad to see me. When she saw I was in town, she knew exactly why I had come. I asked if she was planning on attending the gala and she said probably not.
After lunch we went and played pot limit poker. I made some money off of that. The last pot put me up about $15. Then we decided to kill an hour playing spades. Chad and I were on a team. We smoked Jesse and his friend Kurt. We played to 500 and beat them by over 250 points. It was great.
Afterward, Chad, Jesse and I left to change for the President's reception. The shrimp was amazing as usual, the food was good and the decorations were below average. They decorated the Grand Ballroom as an ice castle. It wasn't great. It lacked the effort that had been put into previous parties. While dining on shrimp the size of a baseball, I ran into many old co-workers and other friends. I also ran into someone I was not expecting to see.
I saw my ex-girlfriend. Her name is Stephanie, but we call her Red. I saw her from behind and recognized the hair immediately. I had Jesse go scope the area for me and he called me over to talk to her. Okay, it was safe. We chit chatted for about 30 minutes and one thing led to another. Yada, yada, yada. I ended up at her place and boy am I tired today. Just kidding about the yada, yada, yada. Let me fill in the details.
She asked what we were doing after the reception and we told her we were going to play some pool at an old pool hall we used to go to. She asked if we minded if she went with us for old times sake. I didn't mind. The conversation was going well and there weren't too many ackward silences. Plus, Chad filled in the ackwardness well. We ran home to change, Chad and Jesse had some shots of rum, we picked up Stephanie from her dorm (she is the Hall Director of North) and grabbed some alcohol from Kroger's. The pool hall is BYOB and Chad wanted to get blitzed.
After about two hours of pool she asked if we wanted to go to her room and hang out. I didn't care and Chad and Jesse were too drunk to make any decisions. We went to her dorm and played phase ten until 2 in the morning. It was really nice talking to her and we had a good time.
Chad and I got up around 9:45 today and hit the road. On the way home, we had to deposit some pumpkins throughout East Texas. They exploded along highway 259. It was a great trip and I can't wait until next year for the next one.

Day Six In Europe

Had I found my passport a week ago, I would have been traveling through Europe with my roommate James. I have written a daily log about the trip I would have had. This is what would have happened on the sixth day of our trip.
We took the train back to Nice, which lasted half the day, and spent our final hours wandering Nice. Nothing of interest really occured in Nice. However, a moment worth noting did transpire aboard the train. This story might not be as interesting to you because you were not there to experience it (however, I wasn't either).
While James was sleeping, I decided to wander the train. I wanted to see the compartment rooms (like in James Bond and Harry Potter movies). I made my way through the dining car and into the area I was searching for. As I was going by a few of them, I noticed one had its door open. I peeked in as I strolled by and noticed no one in the room. I took a step inside and looked for any luggage. I didn't see any signs of a person occupying the room. I decided to get the feel of the room by sitting and looking out the window for a few minutes. That wouldn't hurt anyone, would it?
Little did I know it was time to check the tickets for this car's passengers. After about five minutes of dreaming I was a local European traveling by train in the early 20th century I was alarmed to hear a knock on the door and a word sounding like "billet." I opened the door to find a ticket checker holding a clipboard with a list of names. He asked something in French with the "billet" word in it. I tried to tell him I didn't speak French. I went to my basic French learning, which is from foreign films and other movies, and said, "Parlez-vous Ingles?"
I don't know the correct word for English in French. I only know the Spanish word for English. This is why I think it took him longer than usual to come back with a very snooty "NO." So what do I do now? I said, "I don't know what you are saying then." And he said something in French. Again I said, "I don't know what you are saying."
He then proceeded to show me the stub of a ticket. I then put it all together. I said, "Oh ticket, I have one of those." I searched my pockets for my ticket. Sadly, I realized I had left it in my bag in my seat. I tried to explain that I didn't belong in the compartment, and my ticket was in my bag.
This is probably how he heard the conversation. "Blah blah blah. Blah ticket blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah." I did use the correct word for "ticket" only because he said it about fifteen times trying to find mine. Well, he ended up calling for security on his walkie talkie and about two minutes later a very small moustached man with a stick and mace can showed up.
I started to worry. If this guy didn't speak English I would have some problems. I tried my Franish again. "Parlez-vous Ingles?" I was so happy to hear the response, "You Americans butcher every language you attempt." "You do speak English," was all I could respond with.
I then told him my story and he escorted me back to my chair. He then told me why people in my car don't go to other cars. I told him I would be still and read a book.
After that, the rest of the day was pretty quiet. I have enjoyed my fake trip and can't wait to really go to Europe someday. Although, I don't know if a real trip would be quite as fun as the one I have made up.

Day Four And Five In Europe

Sorry for such a late entry. Our train ride was pretty uneventful. It took half the day and then the rest of the day was filled with finding our way around the city and seeing the quick sites. We hit the big stuff on the fifth day.
We saw the Circus Maximus and Colosseum. I felt like I was in Ben-Hur or Gladiator. It was very cool. When we saw the Golden House of Nero, James morphed into history teacher and told me all about Nero and his barbaric reign. The Pantheon was interesting. Although the ancient architecture of Rome is awe inspiring, it was the treasures of antiquity at the Vatican Museum that interested me most. We also saw the Sistene Chapel.
We will be leaving for Nice tomorrow. Our last day will be there and then we will leave for the states. I have thoroughly enjoyed this fake trip and hope to someday actually attend some of these places and participate in some of these activities.

Day Three In Europe

How great is France? The stereotypes about the French are all wrong. They are the nicest people. We are having a bit of trouble with the language barrier, but the locals help James and me whenever we need it.
We didn't have time to see everything yesterday, like I knew would happen, so we finished up today. One thing we saw that I forgot to tell you about was the Aviatiors Club. The Aviators Club is a casino in Paris that is extremely prestigious. It is a members only club that produces some of the highest stakes poker in the world. It has been featured on the World Poker Tour.
Other than the one extra tourist spot, I believe we saw everything I mentioned. The food is good. A little too much for my tastes, but what are you going to do? We will be leaving for Rome tomorrow morning. It is a 14 hour train ride from Paris to Rome. I wanted to be in one of the rooms with a bed and bath, but those are very expensive and we couldn't afford something like that on this trip. I hope to some day travel in a compartment train. Well, until next time.
By the way, if you don't know yet I am not in Europe. My trip fell through. I am only living in Europe through my blog. This is what would be going on if I had only found my passport.

A Moment Of Bliss

Last night I had a dealing job in downtown Dallas. It was in the Empire Room which is on the 48th floor of one of the few skyscrapers in downtown. I was to deal Texas Hold'em. I arrived about 15 minutes early and decided to catch a glimpse of the view from the top of the city. It was amazing.
I walked into the Sapphire Room with the lights dimmed and a Christmas tree lit in the corner. Two walls were made of glass with the other walls having two red spotlights on the floor shooting straight up. I entered to find only one other person in the room and after a short exchange of hellos and heys I noticed Frank Sinatra playing over the speaker. It was his classic Luck Be A Lady. With the music playing, dressed in a tux shirt and dress pants and the sun beginning to set, I couldn't help but smile at the beauty of it all.
Although Dallas isn't known for a beautiful downtown, when all the elements come together like it did last night it can be a lovely thing. Standing on the 48th floor, listening to one of my favorite singers and watching the lights of Dallas begin to flicker on, I was emotionally moved and had one of the greatest moments of bliss I have ever felt before.

Day Two In Europe

Today's entry will be short because we have lots to do in Paris. We will obviously be ascending the magnificent Eiffel Tower. However, other attractions will be the Louvre, Notre Dame Cathedral (maybe I will see the hunchback), the Pere-Lachaise Cemetery and the Arc de Triomphe. I would also like to hit up the Luxembourg Gardens (which are the royal gardens that were only open to royalty before the French Revolution), the sewers and catacombs of Paris and the Pantheon. We have so much to do before the end of the day. I don't know if we'll have time to do it all. Oh, that's right. I'm not in Europe.

Day One In Europe

If I were in Europe right now, I'd be in Monte Carlo. I would've arrived five-and-a-half hours ago in Nice and James and I would've hitched a ride to Monte Carlo to do a little gambling European style, just like James Bond (I told you I was a freak). We would arrive in Monte Carlo and grab a bite to eat somewhere. After that we would walk along the waterfront until nightfall and then make our entrance into one of the most beautiful casinos in the world. We would gamble into the night and then find a hostel to stay in for the evening.
It would be about time for sunset over there right now. It would have been nice to dip my feet in the Great Sea (Mediterranean Sea) and watch the sun dip below the European sky. For some reason, when you are in a different land everything is better. The sky is better. The water is cleaner. Even the weather is more bearable. It could be raining for four days straight with sleet and sludge falling, yet because you are in a new place for the first time it's like a summer's day in San Diego.
Well, I'm not in Europe, so none of this will happen. At least not anytime soon. Tomorrow we will be going to Paris. I will tell you all about it.

Would You Rather?

Would you rather plan a trip for many months, be excited about the upcoming departure and then have the trip revoked due to another's mistake or plan a trip at the last minute, throw the details together and be one step away from boarding the airplane but not be able to go due to your own blunder?
I ask this because the latter sucks and I want to tell you why. James has planned a trip to Europe with his friend Baron for the last couple of days. It was a thrown together trip, but not near as bad as the tale I'm about to tell you. During a few minor changes to the trip, Baron flaked out and came to America early (he lives in France). In fact, he was in America before James ever left the country. This left James backpacking for seven days in Europe (cool), alone (not so cool).
This is where I come into the picture. At 12:13 p.m. on Monday, December 6 I was telephoned. Sadly, I was subbing and did not receive the phone call, or the subsequent nine phone calls, until 3:18 p.m. I was asked by James if I was interested in leaving for Europe tomorrow for a week. I was a little apprehensive at first, however when I hung up the phone I was extremely interested. The following is the order of events that occurred:

3:19 p.m. - James called American Airlines about a ticket he discovered on the Internet for $695. This was an Internet price only and could not be reached due to my immediate departure.
3:26 p.m. - James searched other outlets for a ticket and I rushed home to change and meet James and my mom at their office.
3:41 p.m. - I arrive to bad news about the ticket. The cheapest available price is $1,800. I can't afford that and my mom was not willing to front the money for me. I don't blame her. I'm a college graduate with no real job or ambition. I wouldn't give me the money either.
3:56 p.m. - My mom called a friend of hers who knows a guy that is in the cheap airline travel business. After forty minutes on the phone (32 minutes of it being on hold with Christmas music... Do they know it's Christmas?), this door was closed.
4:46 p.m. - I am given permission to use my mom's American Express points to get a cheap ticket.
4:46:15 p.m. - James and I are on our way to my mom's house to find her American Express bill and investigate this prospect.
5:59 p.m. - I have a ticket booked and waiting for me at DFW Airport.

All I have to do now is get my mom to call American Express and transfer her points to Delta and find my passport. No problem. Oh wait, problem. My mom won't transfer the points you ask. No, I can't find my passport. After searching the obvious places like folders and boxes I move on to less obvious places.
Something you need to understand about me is I live in a fantasy world. In my mind, I am James Bond and the villain is always after me. I am in the middle of a spy world and must hide important documents (like a passport) from men who might break into my home, search my room and steal the for-your-eyes-only documents.
I looked behind pictures in picture frames, in-between books (both a book's pages and two books together), in board game boxes and throughout any other item that I could possibly hide a passport in. If I wasn't a freak about things like this, I would have found my passport and I would be on a plane for Europe right now.
By 10:51 p.m. I had given up the search and had to decide whether I wanted to risk sitting in the main office of the passport bureau and try to process a passport in four hours or give up on the trip and try again some other time. Needless to say, at 10:56 p.m. I chose to call and cancel the ticket. It's 6:35 p.m. on Tuesday, December 7 and I'm sitting at my mom's computer typing about the what if.
So you tell me, would you rather...

One Of Those Awkward Moments

Saturday night was my first night to deal blackjack for my new job with Fabulous Casino Nights. James and I worked next to each other and we had a good time. Every time someone hit a blackjack at my table, I would scream out "BLACKJACK" like Bernie Mac does in Ocean's 11. Didn't make any tips, yet didn't plan on it either.
At the end of the night, while waiting for James to finish up with his area, I was encountered by a man with scotch on his breath who felt it necessary to explain to me the greatness of pay day. You see, I was looking at my check, because looking at a paycheck is a wonderful thing, and he sauntered up to me and the following is the exchange that took place:

Drunk Man: Pay day's a good day.
Matt: (surprised) Yeah.
Drunk Man: Got to love pay day.
Matt: (uncomfortable to be in this situation) Yeah.
Drunk Man: Christmas time coming up. Don't want to max out that credit card.
Matt: (slight pause) Yeah.
Drunk Man: You got to save some of that. Put it in the bank.
Matt: (slightly annoyed now) Yeah.
Drunk Man: You don't want to get old and not have any money. Look at me. I'm 50 years old. Don't have enought to retire yet. You've got to save.
Matt: (hysterically searching for James) Yeah.
Drunk Man: Money doesn't grow on Christmas trees. Isn't that right?
Matt: (relieved to see James walk up) Yeah. You ready to go?

I walked slightly faster than James on the way out of the hotel and was telling James to speed it up the whole way to the car. Why do I always end up talking to some drunk oaf. It happened to me in Las Vegas. It happens to me a lot. Oh well, it's usually funny afterward.

Another Milestone

Mark it! At 10:36 a.m. on December 6, 2004 I reached 300 visitors to my site. Again I don't need reminding that 300 visitors is minuscule to the population of the Internet, however it is a colossal amount to me. So don't ruin my day by commenting about how insignificant my website is. I don't see your website getting 50 hits a day.

My Second Posted Review

Well, now I can add two reviews to my resume for previous experience. Too bad they are both Bond movies. I'm just becoming a little Gene Siskel. Oh wait, he's dead. Then I'll be the fat one. Well, that doesn't really suit me either.
Anyway, if you would like to rejoice in my writing skills, as if you don't already by visiting my blog six times a day, then please go to the following site to read my review of the sixth James Bond film, On Her Majesty's Secret Service:
http://www.mi6.co.uk/sections/movies/ohmss_reviews.php3?t=ohmss&s=ohmss

Chad, This Blog Is For You

I took on the reluctant and arduous task of substituting for a high school theater teacher today. Don't worry about me though. I handled it well. The class plan was to watch a movie. Real difficult.
Yet, it was the type of movie we were going to watch that makes today's duty so tricky. I personally feel no ordinary human being could undertake the mission of watching what I have watched. However, if one could get through the film once without straightening paperclips into skewers and placing them an inch into your eyeballs, to watch it three times like I have would certainly send you to such a fate.
The film was Metropolis. It is a black and white, silent German film; one of my favorite types. I would own the movie on DVD, however I want to make sure I will get the best copy possible. You see, the original production is lost. When it was released in 1927, UFA, the German production company, pulled it back to rewrite and edit the film. Turner Classic Movies has tried its best to restore the movie from the negatives to its original version, yet parts are lost forever.
Foreign, silent, black and white films are one of my favorite kinds and Chad doesn't understand how I can enjoy something that isn't in color, can't speak our language or doesn't make a sound. Of course, he also didn't like the fact that I was watching The Office on the BBC America channel and Gitanas on the Spanish channel on his television.
Oh well, I liked it and watched the movie all three times. Chad, I recommend you peruse the classics section at your neighborhood video store and see what all the fuss is about.

National Treasure In Review

Last night, James and I saw the movie National Treasure. Without a doubt, it is the best movie about the Declaration of Independence I have ever seen. There was action, humor (although many times the writers were a little off with their jokes), a beautiful girl and lots of American history.
In fact, they can't do a sequel because they have used up all of our history. We are indeed a young country, only 228 years old which is like a teenager in civilization years, yet in a short two hours, Jerry Bruckheimer sums up the whole of our American history from colonization to 1850. The only thing we have left is the Civil War, Great Depression and World War II.
However, many films have been seen about World War II and with a right-on performance by the amazing Denzel Washington in Glory, that is all an audience needs for the Civil War. So would National Treasure II have a plot about the government hiding the country's funds from 1929 to the present and how Nicolas Cage will find it and restore our economy? What a script that would be.
The movie had an effective premise, a likable, eccentric hero in Cage, and some well staged action sequences that keep the violence to a kid-friendly level. Sean Bean played a good bad guy...again. Yet, despite appealing turns by Cage and co-star Justin Bartha, it lacks the colorful characters, dramatic suspense, and wit of Steven Spielberg's Raiders of the Lost Ark trilogy. Instead of Indiana Jones' globe trotting, Cage and the gang trot around America (but not even the complete America, just the thirteen colonies).
Except for Bartha's wisecracking assistant, the other characters are pretty bland. It's far from Bruckheimer's Pirates of the Carribbean: The Secret of the Black Pearl, which is full of personality, due to Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush.
I do recommend seeing the popcorn thriller if not for the entertainment, but to learn something about our Founding Fathers and our country. Also, Diane Kruger was extremely attractive.