Jan. 10 Column

I wouldn't say this is my triumphant return or anything. Just thought I would post something since it has been a while. Here is my column from last week in case you don't know how to type in www.ennisdailynews.com.

I have started to notice a new trend in the fast food drive-thru line. I don’t know when it began but it has made my grease-laden food ordering experience a little more difficult.
What I am talking about is the automated message that greets you as your vehicle comes to a stop next to the intercom and menu. It usually sounds something like, “Welcome! How can I help you?” or maybe like, “Howdy! Can I take your order?”
It’s not the greeting I have a problem with. The welcome really isn’t all that bad, except for certain food industry execs who think every person in Texas says “Howdy” to one anther as our hello.
What bothers me is the fact that it is an electronic message greeting me and now I’m not sure if the person on the other side of this electronic box is really ready to take my order. I never worked the fast food drive-thru window and haven’t had to fight through the headset with a customer so I don’t know what it’s like on the other side, but as the customer I don’t want to do anything to make you mad for fear you might alter my specially made burger with some homemade sauce.
If I begin rattling off my order because Computerized Chatty Cathy just welcomed me to your establishment, asked how she could help me and you aren’t ready yet, then I have to be reprimanded when you come on the intercom and say, “One moment SIR!!!” It’s not that I’m in some rush or want to make your life harder. Your greeting asked what I wanted and I began giving my order.
When I first started noticing the computerized greeting in the drive-thru line I thought it was just two people working the headset. No big deal. However, then I started noticing that the first woman was saying the same thing every time. The words and delivery never changed. At this point I started wondering when it was appropriate to start giving my order. Again we go back to what if the employee taking my order isn’t ready. I don’t want to rush them.
Here is another question. Why is the computerized greeter always a woman? How come we never hear men’s voices greet us in the drive-thru? Is this a coincidence among all the food establishments or did the Women’s Association of Electronic Greeters go on strike until a deal was made to monopolize the drive-thru lines?
All of this may seem trivial to you and your response to me might sound something like “Why don’t you just stop eating those fatty foods and trying a more healthy diet?” Well here is my answer to you. When you have the figure of a 10-year-old girl and everything you eat has no effect on you in the short term then you take advantage of it for as long as possible. As soon as my clogged arteries begin to give me a shortness of breath and pain in my left arm then I will stop pumping my body full of the seventh – and lesser known – food group: grease.
Besides, I get a very healthy and delicious meal each week at the Odd Fellow and Rebekah Retirement Center here in Ennis when I attend Kiwanis Club. I know what you might think, “An old folks home! Yuk!” No way. It is delicious. Trust me.