Friday, July 01, 2011

Michael Bay: Menace to Moviemaking or Messiah of Masculinity

Next to Uwe Boll, Michael Bay is a director most film critics and fans feel epitomize bad directing in Hollywood.  His bit is to blow enough stuff up that the men in the audience are pleased and will shell out another $9 to see again the following weekend in theaters.  Another M.O. of Bay’s is to feature scantily clad women who are either currently or will soon become (likely because of the popularity of Bay’s movies) a highly searched Internet queen.
As a movie fan, I am very torn on Michael Bay.  I’m fully aware he is a hack at making quality pictures.  Nothing he ever does will win a Best Picture Oscar.  However, he is good at what he is driving at, which is entertaining the eye with spectacular visuals and non-stop thrills.  Sometimes I find his antics appealing and then other times he takes it too far.
With the release of the third installment in the Transformers series, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I recently heard one critic call Bay’s latest effort his best yet.  My initial thought was, “Is that really so hard?”  But let’s be fair and actually take a look at the eight feature films Michael Bay has helmed as director and rank them from worst to best.  I have included the year the movie was released, the IMDb rating, and my personal rating of the movie.

8.Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009/5.9/3) – When I went back to look at my rating for this movie I was shocked, shocked I say, to discover how generous I was to give it three stars.  I was also astonished that this wasn’t Bay’s worst rated on IMDb, but that distinction is saved for another bad movie.  This movie is a complete mess.  It is long, the plot makes no sense, characterization is nonexistent, and the Autobot twins are quite possibly the most annoying characters ever created for the silver screen.  Normally, prior to watching a new sequel in theaters I will re-watch the previous movies in the series, but I’m not sure any amount of money or other motivation could make me sit through this garbage ever again.

7. The Island (2005/6.9/3) – This movie actually had a lot of potential, but it ended up resorting to one action set after another where the characters found themselves dangling from tall buildings or driving recklessly in hot rod futuristic vehicles.  It never really explored the most appealing part of the movie, the characters’ journeys of self-realization.  What should have been a great homage to “escape-from-dystopia” science-fiction films like Logan’s Run ends up like every other Michael Bay movie with explosions every 15 minutes and hot women showing off their sexy bodies.

6. Bad Boys II (2003/6.2/4) – The childish high jinks that resulted in disastrous comedy and/or gunplay from the first installment did not last in its sequel.  Bad Boys II is mind-numbing and the partnership-on-the-rocks between the main characters is played out far too long.  Since 1995 when the first movie came out, detectives Lowrey and Burnett have apparently been trained by CIA-level spies and their jurisdiction is just as far-reaching as the CIA.  The jokes aren’t as funny as before, the drama isn’t as real as before, and the brotherhood between Lowrey and Burnett doesn’t feel the same as before.  In fact, really the only thing that is better than the first is the amount of action (which ends up not being a good thing) and the level of hotness from the female cast (a Michael Bay specialty).  Gabrielle Union is in a close race with Megan Fox and Kate Beckinsale for hottest sexpot in a Michael Bay movie.

5. Pearl Harbor (2001/5.5/5) – Visually spectacular middle-third, while the other two-thirds are wasted on a played-out love story.  There is very little to like about this movie, but what Bay does right in it he does very well.  The action sequences during the Japanese attack are amazing.  This movie, which is not a good one but better than the ones listed before it, gets an extra one-point vote from me for personal reasons as my grandfather was stationed at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and therefore I feel a connection to him when watching a piece of history that gives me some sort of sense of the horrors he went through on that day, even if it is pumped full of historically inaccurate testosterone.

4. Bad Boys (1995/6.6/7) – This is where the line in the sand is drawn for me between crowd-pleasing popcorn action thrillers and illogical mess of a movie.  What Bad Boys II did wrong, the first in the series got right.  The comedic chemistry is spot on between the two leads.  The gunfights are exciting and somewhat believable.  The soundtrack is catchy.  And a pre-Sopranos Michael Imperioli supporting role is quite memorable.  Bad Boys is just another buddy-cop movie with new actors replacing the roles of those that had come before them, but the energy is high and everything gels together well, resulting in an enjoyable two hours of fast cars, hot women, foul-language humor, and tense action.

3. Transformers (2007/7.2/7) – Keep in mind that none of Michael Bay’s work that get positive reviews from me is actually a finely made film by industry standards.  They aren’t going to win awards for acting, directing, or writing, but what they will do is entertain.  Transformers, despite all of its obvious flaws, is one of those entertaining blockbusters.  Maybe it is childhood nostalgia or possibly I just find fast cars morphing into killer robots appealing, but Transformers is one of those movies that anytime I see it on television I have to stop whatever I’m doing and watch.  Shia LeBeouf’s shtick isn’t annoying yet.  Megan Fox is an unknown hotness waiting to be discovered.  Optimus Prime’s introductory transformation nearly brings a tear to the eyes of all those young men who grew up on the Hasbro toy.

2. Armageddon (1998/6.1/8) – This is the movie I think of when somebody says the name Michael Bay: ludicrously dumb plot, over-the-top scenarios that lead to explosions and mayhem, greatly timed delivery of funny lines by the cast, shoehorned love story, solid supporting characters. I never saw Deep Impact (another space impact movie like Armageddon that came out two months prior), but I have to believe it tackled deeper issues than what Bay worried about with his natural disaster snuff film.  The impossibilities this movie presents as “just another day at the office for meteor-drilling astronauts” is countless, however, it is reported that NASA has prospective managers point out all the inaccuracies in the film and a total of 168 have so far been found.  In other words, is this movie unbelievable?  Absolutely.  Does it matter?  Not one bit.

1. The Rock (1996/7.3/9) – There isn’t a better example of the things Michael Bay does well than in The Rock.  An obligatory car chase is included in the first half of the film.  The buddy cop routine is executed well between the two main leads.  Comedic lines are spot on.  The pacing of each gunfight is well-timed.  The story isn’t too outlandish, but still intriguing enough to peak our interest.  It is no wonder that this movie is Bay’s highest rated on IMDb.  It is a fun thrill-ride with lots of laughs, suspense, and memorable quotes.

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