Why do adults turn into complete morons when they become parents? Do they forget the common principles of social etiquette? Or do they just think their child is more disciplined than that? Well let me clear things up for you new and soon-to-be parents, your toddler is no better than the next whiny, bratty kid that annoys the hell out of you while shopping at the grocery store.
I will now go into details of why this second rant is being written. I've decided to send in a proposal to the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America). No children under the age of four are allowed in a PG-13 or R-rated film. I don't care if they are accompanied by a parent or legal gaurdian. An infant or young child is just not ready to be in a social setting of that level yet. They don't understand that the movie is two hours long, there are no breaks and you have to be utterly silent the entire time.
I went to see The Day After Tomorrow last night with my girlfriend. The movie was okay; your typical end of the world, destroy it with some computer graphic special effects movie. But could it have been better had my movie going experience not been tarnished by an 11-month-old baby crying the whole time? It lasted from opening destruction sequence to end credits.
Here is the reason this time was worse than usual. The parents not only weren't embarrassed by the situation, they were laughing at it. They thought it was funny. And they sat in the middle of the section. Could they not have chosen an aisle seat so that, if the child began to disturb the patrons around them, they could effortlessly leave their seat and tend to the weeping youngster? No, instead it was a tag team effort of comforting the brat until it stopped crying. Once this occurred, parent number one would begin his long and tedious trek across the row to his seat. And all kidding aside, the moment he would sit down, the kid would start crying again. So parent number two would get up, start side-stepping down the row, and hang out on the side with a crying baby. Good use of sixteen bucks there. Hope you enjoyed the show.
The baby obviously didn't want to see this movie. He had heard the reviews and felt it was not his type of movie. He probably prefers light, romantic comedies with Kate Hudson or Reese Witherspoon. Leave the child at home with a baby-sitter or MTV, this method worked for me.
So my proposal is no person under the age of four will be allowed to see a PG-13 or R-rated movie. If you can't get a baby-sitter, you can't go out. It is that simple. You won't enjoy the movie, your kid won't enjoy the movie and we, the paying audience, certainly won't enjoy the movie. Tell me what you think about this idea. I might really send it in. I'm on a role with getting policies changed.
Monday, May 31, 2004
Friday, May 28, 2004
Getting Kicked In The Junk By Vegas 2004 Fundraiser
Now that we all know what Getting Kicked in the Junk by Vegas 2004 is, we can proceed with further details. This trip has been in the works for about three months now. It started out as a crazy idea and we ran with it. As the days wind down to zero hour, the passengers are starting to wonder if it's really going to happen. The reason I say this is because we have had a few scares. They have been all types: marital, financial, even family strife has put this trip in jeopardy. We are two weeks out and only one final problem remains. It is the financial. Not all of us are going to have the monster bankrolls we had imagined. So I have come up with an idea.
Churches and schools will always do a car wash fundraiser to produce extra money for a trip. Well, that may work for them, but we have lives to attend to. So here is my proposal. We plead to you, our devoted readers. Please let us know of anything that can be done to raise money for our trip. However, don't tell us to get jobs. Seventy-five percent of us already have one of those.
Look at this as a pledge drive of sorts. We will continue to keep you in hysterics with our humorous entries as long as you send the money in. Just think of how many blogs we will have after we get back from Las Vegas. It's the city that never sleeps...oh wait. Windy, no that's not it. City of Brotherly Love, definitely not. Sin city, that's it. The stories that we will retell to our fans will keep you going for at least six months.
However, this will not be able to occur unless you help. All we ask is for a dollar a day so little James over in Woodland West will be able to supersize his order of fries. Is this too much to ask? I think not. So please send all referrals to me in the comments field or James, Clint or Chad at the following sites:
livebside.blogspot.com
imout.blogspot.com
chip22.blogspot.com
We appreciate anything you can give, large or small. We will be leaving on June 10, so please have all checks sent in before this date. God bless and keep praying those pocket Aces hold up.
Churches and schools will always do a car wash fundraiser to produce extra money for a trip. Well, that may work for them, but we have lives to attend to. So here is my proposal. We plead to you, our devoted readers. Please let us know of anything that can be done to raise money for our trip. However, don't tell us to get jobs. Seventy-five percent of us already have one of those.
Look at this as a pledge drive of sorts. We will continue to keep you in hysterics with our humorous entries as long as you send the money in. Just think of how many blogs we will have after we get back from Las Vegas. It's the city that never sleeps...oh wait. Windy, no that's not it. City of Brotherly Love, definitely not. Sin city, that's it. The stories that we will retell to our fans will keep you going for at least six months.
However, this will not be able to occur unless you help. All we ask is for a dollar a day so little James over in Woodland West will be able to supersize his order of fries. Is this too much to ask? I think not. So please send all referrals to me in the comments field or James, Clint or Chad at the following sites:
livebside.blogspot.com
imout.blogspot.com
chip22.blogspot.com
We appreciate anything you can give, large or small. We will be leaving on June 10, so please have all checks sent in before this date. God bless and keep praying those pocket Aces hold up.
Monday, May 24, 2004
Principles And Principals
Since my last entry was such a downer, I've decided to tell an uplifting, funny story about my day. Some of you may have already heard about this from my roommate James (whose website is livebside.blogspot.com).
As you may have read, Duff Elementary wronged me. They took away my legacy. I said I would do something about it and I have. Although it wasn't exactly the public revolt I had in mind, I still got the job done.
Here's what happened. I took my thugs James and Chad, marched down to Duff and demanded something be done to rectify the situation.
Okay, that's not exactly what happened. James and Chad just went to watch, secretly believing I wouldn't go through with the outlandish affair, we drove in a Honda Accord and I played the pity card. It got so bad, at one point I actually said, "You removed some of the children's handprints," wait for the small pause, "and I was one of those children." By this time James and Chad were laughing as much as two people can laugh without having a serious medical problem occur. James was bent over in his chair, holding his stomach because the situation was essentially so funny, it was gut-wrenching. Chad had to leave the office and take a few seconds to compose himself in the hall. He came back in the room with his sunglasses on to hide his puffy, tear-filled eyes.
I explained in a very nice and pleading tone that I wished to replace my handprints and name. Principal Owens, who was the vice-principal when I attended Duff, was very complacent with the circumstance and was more than happy to oblige.
When the three of us left, we realized we were grown men, one of us married in fact, and we had spent fifteen minutes of our lives addressing something quite meaningless in the grand scheme of things, yet it was the principle of the thing. We laughed all the way to the car about what had just gone down. It was great. Definetely one of the funniest moments of my life. I wish more of you could have been there to see me take the man down.
As you may have read, Duff Elementary wronged me. They took away my legacy. I said I would do something about it and I have. Although it wasn't exactly the public revolt I had in mind, I still got the job done.
Here's what happened. I took my thugs James and Chad, marched down to Duff and demanded something be done to rectify the situation.
Okay, that's not exactly what happened. James and Chad just went to watch, secretly believing I wouldn't go through with the outlandish affair, we drove in a Honda Accord and I played the pity card. It got so bad, at one point I actually said, "You removed some of the children's handprints," wait for the small pause, "and I was one of those children." By this time James and Chad were laughing as much as two people can laugh without having a serious medical problem occur. James was bent over in his chair, holding his stomach because the situation was essentially so funny, it was gut-wrenching. Chad had to leave the office and take a few seconds to compose himself in the hall. He came back in the room with his sunglasses on to hide his puffy, tear-filled eyes.
I explained in a very nice and pleading tone that I wished to replace my handprints and name. Principal Owens, who was the vice-principal when I attended Duff, was very complacent with the circumstance and was more than happy to oblige.
When the three of us left, we realized we were grown men, one of us married in fact, and we had spent fifteen minutes of our lives addressing something quite meaningless in the grand scheme of things, yet it was the principle of the thing. We laughed all the way to the car about what had just gone down. It was great. Definetely one of the funniest moments of my life. I wish more of you could have been there to see me take the man down.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Coincidence: Does It Exist?
Coincidence. Some believe in random acts of chance. Others feel everything happens for a reason. They truly feel each moment of our life is planned and controlled by God. Where do you stand on this issue? By definition, a coincidence is a sequence of events that, although accidental, seems to have been planned or arranged.
Let me explain my opinion about this issue. First thing first, I am open to reversals. If someone can provoke doubt in my mind, I will contemplate a reversal. However, on this particular topic I feel strongly that coincidences do occur. I think I need to emphasize something before I go on though. I believe God has created us with certain talents and abilities which are specific to each of us. He also has a master plan for each of us. Yet, we are the ones using these talents and abilities and making our own decisions. He just points us in the right direction. It is our free will which drives us toward our destiny. Now back to the topic at hand.
Here are a few examples of what I would consider falling into the catagory of coincidence:
1. Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on the same day.
2. Pitcher Warren Spahn, of the Milwaukee Brewers, pitched a no-hitter on his 40th birthday.
3. Then there are the many coincidences between the assassinations of Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.
So what of these "coincidences." Are they just rare cases of an odd occurance that God decided to let take place because of his celestial sense of humor. Many people die on the same day, yet two presidents of the United States who served back-to-back administrations. Okay I'll buy that, but what about a pitcher throwing a no-hitter on his birthday. It is such a rare act of excellence, that to throw a no-hitter on one particular day out of 365 is much to random to be planned. What about the many coincidences surrounding the assinations of two of the most famous U.S. presidents. Still all part of God's design. What for? What significance does this play in our daily walk with Christ that He should plan such an unsystematic act?
Joanna doesn't believe in the percentages of a winning and losing hand in poker shown on World Poker Tour. She is constantly reminding me of every certain hand that the long shot, the one card needed, wins. Well, my response is we never remember when our pocket Aces hold up. It is only when they are beaten by a Queen-Three off-suit or an Eight-Nine off-suit that we can remember it with such great detail.
Is this the same with an instance of coincidence? If it happened any other time, or any other way in fact, would it be remembered as clearly? I don't know. I honestly can't answer that. Some can remember Nolan Ryan had seven no-hitters throughout his career, but can anyone recite the dates of those games without the assistance of the Internet or a baseball reference guide?
Coincidences happen more than one might think, but are they really coincidences? Does God plan all of this just to give us topics of conversation that can include his divine presence. I would definetly like feedback on this one. I want to hear where you are on the coincidence topic. Please post your comments and I will try to respond to them. You might even be able to get a reversal out of me if you try hard enough.
Again, I am not saying I don't believe that God has a hand in our lives. Although I do feel some things happen randomly and He has no particular interest in the outcome. Say rolling seven dice seven times in a row and hitting seven each time. Random act of coincidence or God? I say coincidence, but who really knows.
Let me explain my opinion about this issue. First thing first, I am open to reversals. If someone can provoke doubt in my mind, I will contemplate a reversal. However, on this particular topic I feel strongly that coincidences do occur. I think I need to emphasize something before I go on though. I believe God has created us with certain talents and abilities which are specific to each of us. He also has a master plan for each of us. Yet, we are the ones using these talents and abilities and making our own decisions. He just points us in the right direction. It is our free will which drives us toward our destiny. Now back to the topic at hand.
Here are a few examples of what I would consider falling into the catagory of coincidence:
1. Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on the same day.
2. Pitcher Warren Spahn, of the Milwaukee Brewers, pitched a no-hitter on his 40th birthday.
3. Then there are the many coincidences between the assassinations of Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.
So what of these "coincidences." Are they just rare cases of an odd occurance that God decided to let take place because of his celestial sense of humor. Many people die on the same day, yet two presidents of the United States who served back-to-back administrations. Okay I'll buy that, but what about a pitcher throwing a no-hitter on his birthday. It is such a rare act of excellence, that to throw a no-hitter on one particular day out of 365 is much to random to be planned. What about the many coincidences surrounding the assinations of two of the most famous U.S. presidents. Still all part of God's design. What for? What significance does this play in our daily walk with Christ that He should plan such an unsystematic act?
Joanna doesn't believe in the percentages of a winning and losing hand in poker shown on World Poker Tour. She is constantly reminding me of every certain hand that the long shot, the one card needed, wins. Well, my response is we never remember when our pocket Aces hold up. It is only when they are beaten by a Queen-Three off-suit or an Eight-Nine off-suit that we can remember it with such great detail.
Is this the same with an instance of coincidence? If it happened any other time, or any other way in fact, would it be remembered as clearly? I don't know. I honestly can't answer that. Some can remember Nolan Ryan had seven no-hitters throughout his career, but can anyone recite the dates of those games without the assistance of the Internet or a baseball reference guide?
Coincidences happen more than one might think, but are they really coincidences? Does God plan all of this just to give us topics of conversation that can include his divine presence. I would definetly like feedback on this one. I want to hear where you are on the coincidence topic. Please post your comments and I will try to respond to them. You might even be able to get a reversal out of me if you try hard enough.
Again, I am not saying I don't believe that God has a hand in our lives. Although I do feel some things happen randomly and He has no particular interest in the outcome. Say rolling seven dice seven times in a row and hitting seven each time. Random act of coincidence or God? I say coincidence, but who really knows.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
My First Rant
As I said from day one, this would be a form of venting for me. I can release the stress in my life by explaining the things that bother me about society through my blog. Well, here is my first rant. My close friends will likely think this is directed towards Michael Eisner or George Lucas. However it's not. It is actually towards an unlikely target: Duff Elementary. That's right. My old alma mater of elementary schools.
Friday night I was asked to babysit my little cousin Major. After a quick ideo (that's video for those not in the know) we went to Duff. I pulled him in his wagon and he played on the playground. Well, I like to treat Major like a tutor of mine. I teach him the finer things in life, like how to cheer, "Hey Nomar," correctly and the proper way to say Halle Berry. So, I decided to take him to see the class project my sixth grade class left to the school to remember us by. It is a sidewalk from the east side of the building around to the gym. The students put their hand prints in the wet cement and wrote their names. Major and I started at the gym side of the sidewalk and took our way towards my imprints. At each section I would stop and tell Major something about the person whose hands we were looking at. If I didn't remember the person, I would make up a ludicrous story that either made Major laugh or ask for the last two minutes of his childhood existence back.
As we drew closer to the end of the sidewalk, which is where my slab of concrete was located, a feeling of excitement and remorse began to fall upon me. I had thought about all the funny and regretful moments of K-6 grade. However I noticed that I had passed where my block should have been. In fact, there were three new blocks of cement. Duff Elementary had replaced my hand prints with a new sidewalk section.
Can you believe this? My legacy, gone. How will other grade school students know I was a part of the class of 1992? What do I have to show for seven years of education at Duff Elementary. Knowledge, I don't think so.
Believe me, they will be seeing my face again on Monday. It's going to be a reunion of reckoning. I will demand my hand prints to be replaced along with a Matt Cook written right between the oversized palms. You may ask, "What if they don't comply?" Well, I haven't gotten that far yet, but I will come up with something. Maybe we'll have an old-fashion sit in. Yeah, that's it. Let the days of Martin Luther King and the civil rights activists reign. I will sit and pester them with my verbal protests until they cave. Let freedom ring, let freedom ring, by God Almighty, let freedom ring.
As I said in my first entry. Some of my opinions don't always make sense. However, they are important to people like myself and my mom, who shares my opinion about renaming the Woodland West Recreation Center after Dottie Lynn. But that is another blog for another day.
Until next time, may all your pocket pairs hold up.
Friday night I was asked to babysit my little cousin Major. After a quick ideo (that's video for those not in the know) we went to Duff. I pulled him in his wagon and he played on the playground. Well, I like to treat Major like a tutor of mine. I teach him the finer things in life, like how to cheer, "Hey Nomar," correctly and the proper way to say Halle Berry. So, I decided to take him to see the class project my sixth grade class left to the school to remember us by. It is a sidewalk from the east side of the building around to the gym. The students put their hand prints in the wet cement and wrote their names. Major and I started at the gym side of the sidewalk and took our way towards my imprints. At each section I would stop and tell Major something about the person whose hands we were looking at. If I didn't remember the person, I would make up a ludicrous story that either made Major laugh or ask for the last two minutes of his childhood existence back.
As we drew closer to the end of the sidewalk, which is where my slab of concrete was located, a feeling of excitement and remorse began to fall upon me. I had thought about all the funny and regretful moments of K-6 grade. However I noticed that I had passed where my block should have been. In fact, there were three new blocks of cement. Duff Elementary had replaced my hand prints with a new sidewalk section.
Can you believe this? My legacy, gone. How will other grade school students know I was a part of the class of 1992? What do I have to show for seven years of education at Duff Elementary. Knowledge, I don't think so.
Believe me, they will be seeing my face again on Monday. It's going to be a reunion of reckoning. I will demand my hand prints to be replaced along with a Matt Cook written right between the oversized palms. You may ask, "What if they don't comply?" Well, I haven't gotten that far yet, but I will come up with something. Maybe we'll have an old-fashion sit in. Yeah, that's it. Let the days of Martin Luther King and the civil rights activists reign. I will sit and pester them with my verbal protests until they cave. Let freedom ring, let freedom ring, by God Almighty, let freedom ring.
As I said in my first entry. Some of my opinions don't always make sense. However, they are important to people like myself and my mom, who shares my opinion about renaming the Woodland West Recreation Center after Dottie Lynn. But that is another blog for another day.
Until next time, may all your pocket pairs hold up.
Oh Happy Days!
Today is a big day in the poker world. It is the first day in a week long stint of high stakes, big action card playing. Today begins the World Series of Poker. Woo-hoo. The World Series is the mother of all poker tournaments. It's the only poker tournament in the world that could be shown year round on ESPN2 and would have the same ratings everytime. Nobody wants to miss the hilarious verbal banter exchanged between Sam Grizzle and Phil Hellmuth Jr. (the crybaby of poker). Grizzle even went into song last year to crack Hellmuth's playing abilitiy.
Thanks to the World Series of Poker, hundreds, including my cousin Clint, now copy the Sam Farha look, which is an unlit cigarette dangling from the mouth during play. Farha does this because, as of last year, the World Series became smoke free. Farha would use the same cigarette until it seemed its luck had run out. He would then dispose of the "unlucky cigarette," grab a new one and start over.
The World Series is a dream. It is my dream. I will some day be at the World Series of Poker. Now don't mistake what I just said. I will BE at the World Series. This doesn't necessarily mean I will be playing. I think I'm good, but I'm probably not that good yet.
I did however play in a 28 person tournament last Tuesday night and I finished in second place. I was very proud of myself. Though, I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing about it. Said poker tournament is also where I obtained my new nickname: I AM. Clint called me and asked if we were playing poker. I responded in a completely unoffensive tone with the words, "I am." Yet due to a communication break down among friends, these two words set off a chain reaction that could have potentially threatened the downfall of the Vegas trip, which will from now on be titled Three Days of Getting Kicked in the Junk 2004.
So, to let you know, I am extremely excited about the next few days because I can feel the poker playing in the air. Bluffs will be abundant, check raises will be feared and the theme of the week will be Anyone Can Win.
Thanks to the World Series of Poker, hundreds, including my cousin Clint, now copy the Sam Farha look, which is an unlit cigarette dangling from the mouth during play. Farha does this because, as of last year, the World Series became smoke free. Farha would use the same cigarette until it seemed its luck had run out. He would then dispose of the "unlucky cigarette," grab a new one and start over.
The World Series is a dream. It is my dream. I will some day be at the World Series of Poker. Now don't mistake what I just said. I will BE at the World Series. This doesn't necessarily mean I will be playing. I think I'm good, but I'm probably not that good yet.
I did however play in a 28 person tournament last Tuesday night and I finished in second place. I was very proud of myself. Though, I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing about it. Said poker tournament is also where I obtained my new nickname: I AM. Clint called me and asked if we were playing poker. I responded in a completely unoffensive tone with the words, "I am." Yet due to a communication break down among friends, these two words set off a chain reaction that could have potentially threatened the downfall of the Vegas trip, which will from now on be titled Three Days of Getting Kicked in the Junk 2004.
So, to let you know, I am extremely excited about the next few days because I can feel the poker playing in the air. Bluffs will be abundant, check raises will be feared and the theme of the week will be Anyone Can Win.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
The Beginning
This is the beginning. I have begun. It's started.
A few of my friends have their own blogs, so I decided to start my own. Through my blog I will be dispensing lessons on life, posting film reviews and venting the dislikes of society I come across on a weekly (if not daily) basis. I have many opinions that my friends think are funny, yet not practical. I will not likely touch on anything too emotional because, basically, that's just not who I am. So don't look for any life altering quotes. I like to have fun and travel. I am very childish and will probably not grow up anytime soon. Life is short and I will enjoy it while I can.
I hope you enjoy this and I will try to keep it updated with any news that might seem interesting or funny.
A few of my friends have their own blogs, so I decided to start my own. Through my blog I will be dispensing lessons on life, posting film reviews and venting the dislikes of society I come across on a weekly (if not daily) basis. I have many opinions that my friends think are funny, yet not practical. I will not likely touch on anything too emotional because, basically, that's just not who I am. So don't look for any life altering quotes. I like to have fun and travel. I am very childish and will probably not grow up anytime soon. Life is short and I will enjoy it while I can.
I hope you enjoy this and I will try to keep it updated with any news that might seem interesting or funny.
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