Monday, November 29, 2004

My First Thanksgiving Outside Texas

After 24 years of living, I have now spent a Thanksgiving Day away from my family. Actually, this is partially true. I spent about six hours with my family on Thursday and then Joanna and I left for Arkansas about 4:30 that afternoon. The drive was fine, another road trip. I love those things. The days in Arkansas were fun. I learned a lot about the city. The people are called Arkansians (Ar-can-zee-ans), or Arkies for short. The city is named for its little rock on the west bank of the Mississippi River, the first rock seen when traveling up the river from the Gulf of Mexico. I will go into more detail later. However, I would like the record to show it was nothing like Deliverance and I really did enjoy myself.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Maybe OnStar Is The Way To Go

My dad made a funny comment the other day. It's funny, but quite dark.
My mom was telling a story about some health guy they knew who died in the mountains of Colorado. The story goes he got a flat tire in the mountains and got out to fix it. While outside, the altitude got to the man and he died of a heart attack on the side of the road.
My dad came back with the quip, "He should have had AAA. The thirty bucks could have saved his life."

Monday, November 22, 2004

What's So Extraordinary About The Word Extraordinary

Think about the word "extraordinary." What is so great about it? Is it supposed to be better than ordinary? If I say someone is extraordinary, am I complimenting them? I think not.
Let's break the word down. Extra. Okay, that means more. What about ordinary? Ordinary, according to dictionary.com, means usual or average. Well, wouldn't this mean extraordinary means more average? Extraaverage. You are extraordinary, which essentially means you are more normal than every other person in the world. What a sweet thing to say. When you do extraordinary events, you are not a special person because any average human being could do it.
It is comments like this and others, like "I could care less," that make no sense to me. Next time someone says you did an extraordinary thing, ask if they are trying to be nice, because they really are putting you down.

Poker Entry No. 6

November 21, 2004
Players: 42
Entry Fee: $30
Rebuys: N/A
Place: 18
Winnings: $0

In the new found tournament at No Frills Grill, I ran into quite a bad call last night. I was dealt pocket A's. The best hand possible. However, one should not play this hand too slow because I have seen it beaten many times (usually when Clint is holding them). In fact, we held a raffle for anyone who had their pocket A's drawn out on at the tournament we held a few weeks ago. Sadly, aces were holding up that night.
Back to the terrible call. I didn't want to get outdrawn with this hand so I raised it pretty big pre-flop. To be precise, I raised it about four times the big blind. I made it $150 to go. Blinds were $20-40. I had two guys call. I made the decision that no matter what fell on the flop, unless it was a pair of big cards or three to a flush or high straight, I was going to go all in on the flop with another $295.
The flop was Q-6-5 rainbow. It was checked to me. I moved all in like I had told myself I would do. The first guy didn't think too long to call. The second guy folded. I flipped over my Aces and he gave the "ooh, I'm beat" expression. He flips over 8-6 of clubs. Well of course you're beat. That's not a good hand to call a pre-flop raise with. It's also not a good hand to call an all in bet with middle pair and poor kicker. Oh well, I am beating him with a pair of Aces. He needs an 8 or 6. The turn is a 9. This gives him another out. A 7 gives him a straight. So nine outs are going to beat me. What does the river bring but a 6. His three six's beat my pocket rockets.
The worst part was the fact that the guys at the table were saying how bad of a beat it was. Well if the guy wouldn't call with crap we wouldn't have a bad beat. When a hand like that wins, it gives amateurs the idea they are good hands. They think hands that somehow defy the odds and win become excellent hands. Let me inform the public, they aren't good hands. You are a big underdog. Oh well, I got my money in when I had the best hand. That is what a good player does.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I Just Don't Understand

Lots of controversy has come over the intro to Monday Night Football's game. ABC released a skit promoting Desperate Housewives with Terrel Owens. The skit featured Nicolette Sherridan in nothing but a white towel and seducing T. O. Big deal I say. Are we mad because the ad was not appropriate for football viewers? What about showing the ad anytime during an ABC prime time line up? There is a similar ad featuring Teri Hatcher in a towel and having it ripped off by a car door. Is this too abrasive for the viewing audience? Should we raise our fists at the network over that advertisement? I think not. Why doesn't everyone just loosen up and stop puckering their butts everytime a little sexual innuendo is alluded to? Oh, because we are a bunch of tight asses who talk about freedom of speech yet shudder to think of what creative minds will come up with using said freedom.

Another Triumph

Tonight marks my 200th visitor. Woo-hoo. It makes me so happy that at least 200 people have shared my experiences with me.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Poker Entry No. 5

November 14, 2004
Players: 48 and 36
Entry Fee: $40 and $30
Rebuys: N/A
Place: 8 and 19
Winnings: $0

Brent Hale turned us on to this tournament. It was held at No Frills Grill at 20 and 287 on Little Road. The sports bar held two tournaments. The first was a $40 buy-in with 48 entries. First place was awarded $900. The tournament had many similar features to the Sam's Town Casino tournament in Las Vegas. I finished in 8th place, which was two places out of the money. I've been doing that a lot lately. I had fun and played in the second tournament, which was a $30 buy-in with 36 people. I finished in 19th.
The most interesting thing that happened the entire night was an intoxicated, belligerent woman who entered the tournament. She was moved to our table about ten minutes before she was knocked out of the tournament, and she wasn't the short stack. In fact, she was probably the money leader in the entire tournament. She had a lot of chips and was ready to unload them on the many jackasses and dicks at the table. I was a dick. Actually, I was the leading dick. She was frustrated by my tasteless quips and rude comments.
I decided to berate her because of two main reasons. The first was she was rude and treated the players at the table with contempt. Jerome, a player on her immediate right, told her the action was on her and she snapped back with, "Well, give me a G** D*** minute." This sent me into my second reason to give her some lip. I was the short stack and almost out of the tournament. I had $275 left. I got A-Q offsuit. I was dealer and went all in pre-flop. When it went around to her again, after a couple of calls, she didn't understand why she had to pay more money. This was partly because she didn't know how to play and partly because she was a sniff of alcoholic scent away from either passing out or throwing up. She called the extra $75 dollars (blinds were $100-200). The flop came with 7-4-2. Well, I'm out. When she lashed out at Jerome again for rushing her when it was her turn, my time had come to speak up for the common man.
I don't know if it's my nature to get into fights with extremely drunk people, but I probably need to stop trying. I told her to do something and she called me a dick. It was on. I came back with, "Lady, you've been here for thirty seconds and already (counting each player at the table by pointing at them) one, two, three, four, five, six people hate you. Do something so we can move on." She didn't like that comment and unloaded on me. She called me everything under the sun. I ended up winning the hand and sticking around until the final table. Her cussing was a shock and very over the top, yet that isn't the biggest shocker. The bigger surprise is one of two things. Why don't you decide which is worse.
The next incident was after dumping about $6,500 to the table in three hands, she went all in when she was dealing with $50. I split the pots up so we could have the main pot and a side pot. This took me a few seconds and since it was me doing the work our lady, and I don't mean a courtesy title for the daughter of a gentleman, was put out by me taking so long to do this (45 seconds at the most). I looked at her and said it was her turn. She gave me a death stare for about five seconds. I again tried telling her it was her turn, however my tone was a bit more patronizing. She said she was just waiting on me. I then answered in the most belittling quality I could muster with, "By the words it's your turn, that means we're done and it's your turn." This comment induced her to the decision to not deal the cards. I was blown away. We had to call the tournament director over to deal the cards. This was one of the most appalling actions I have ever seen happen at a poker table.
The second event is just as bad. Near the end of her tournament play, her eight-year-old son came running up and asked if Mommy was winning. She brought her kid to a bar for a poker tournament. She's doing a good job of parenting. As a product of a child who was placed in bars every once in a while I will say she is not doing a service for this young boy. Can you believe this? She brought her son. What a lady (again not using it in the English lady manner).
The tournament was fun and we will be back next week. Hopefully, she will not be there. If she is, I will try to be on my best behavior and not get in any fights.

Friday, November 12, 2004

A Slight Contradiction

It has been announced today Michael Moore will be filming a sequel to Fahrenheit 9/11. He is quoted in Thursday's edition of Variety as saying:

"Fifty-one percent of the American people lacked information (in this election) and we want to educate and enlighten them. They weren't told the truth. We're communicators and it's up to us to start doing it now."

Considering it has been proven Moore changed certain details and altered newpaper headings for the first documentary, which won top honors at May's Cannes Film Festival and is being pushed for a nomination in the best film category for the upcoming Academy Awards, this is a slight misconstrued statement. Wouldn't making another film filled with lies about the war in Iraq and Bush's presidency be misinforming the American people? I would think so, but what do I know of politics. I don't even vote.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Trying To Live Out A Dream Can Really Hurt

Saturday night after the tournament James, Clint, Chad, Danny and I went to IHOP to celebrate the victories of our poker group. Four of us made the final table and three of us were in the top four. On our way home we were stopped by a passing train. I have a longing to jump on a train and ride it anywhere. This goal was going to be fulfilled that night.
Or maybe not. Instead, after several tries of running next to the speeding locamotive, I fell on the rocks that make up the incline to the railroad tracks and busted my other hip and leg. That's right. I will now have matching scars on both hips. One from falling out of a moving truck and one from falling down trying to hitch a ride on a train.
After falling on my face...again, I went home doctored myself up, with the advice from my nurse from the last time I fell on pavement at a high velocity, and went to bed with an incessant pain in my shoulder.
The sad thing is the train slowed down more after I fell on the ground. If I hadn't hurt myself, I could have easily made it on the train then. Oh well, I will have to try again some other day when I am fully healed and prepared for the journey down hobo lane.

1st Annual Getting Kicked In The Junk By Pocket Aces Tournament Results

The following are the results for 23 entrants in our tournament on November 6:
23 - Shaun Peach
22 - Joe
21 - Mike Steed
20 - Jim Anderson
19 - Brian Simmons
18 - Joey
17 - Ben
16 - Brent Hale
15 - Wayne
14 - Justin L.
13 - Cody Ragsdale
12 - Miguel
11 - Chad Boase (barely missed that final table)
10 - Josh Bishop (I suck, his words not mine)
9 - James Miller
8 - Clint H.
7 - Brad
6 - Jeff
5 - Jay Beavers
4 - Matt Cook (wheeeeee)
3 - Clint McWilliams (won $75)
2 - Justin (won $150)

And winning $350 and the first championship of Getting Kicked In The Junk By Pocket Aces is...
Danny Zumwalt

Congratulations Danny. The group is proud of you. Way to keep the championship within our circle of players.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Poker Entry No. 4

November 6, 2004
Players: 23
Entry Fee: $25
Rebuys: N/A
Place: 4
Winnings: $0

This poker night was the 1st Annual Getting Kicked In The Junk By Pocket Aces Tournament. I did very well, 4th to be exact, but didn't win any money. I really didn't make any mistakes either. I got pocket Q's once and Danny went all in with pocket 4's. He caught a 4 and this put me on a short stack for the rest of the tournament, however still finished 4th.
I did make one impressive call on a guy named Ben. I had pocket K's and raised pre-flop. Ben called. The flop was A-J-low card. I bet and he called. The turn was a J. We both checked. The last card was an A. I had two pair, but an A or J beat me. I checked and he bet a significant amount, about $4,000. I thought about what he would have, probably an A or J. I started to say "I fold," and I had my cards ready to throw into the middle when I noticed he cracked a small grin. Immediately I said call and he did not look pleased. He flipped over Q-10. I won with my higher two pair.
Other than these hands, no other was too great to remember. I played very well, but the Q's against the 4's hand hurt a lot and cost me being in the money. It was a fun tournament and I am proud of myself for the way I played in it, despite not winning any money.

Friday, November 05, 2004

I'm A New Man

That's right. I have taken one step closer to being a real man. I don't mean man as in turning 13 and Mazel Tov, I'm a man (I'm not Jewish by the way). I mean manhood. Opening beers with your teeth. Fixing the washer with your power tools. Macho macho man.
The degree to which my growth has stemmed is I changed the oil in my car yesterday by myself. I didn't pay Earl or Jose $35 to change it for me while I sat in the cold, odor-repelling stocked, yet still quite smelly, waiting room with the soccer moms and 16-year-olds. I got in the grunge clothes, crawled under my car and used tools to give my car life for another 3,000 miles. Here's to the high life.
I suggest all of society do this. It will only cost you $8 to buy the necessary equipment and another $27 to buy the oil filter and oil, however this oil is enough to get through two-and-a-half changes. So when broken down, it will only cost about $15-20 per oil change instead of $35. That is some big savings when you are poor like me. Well, until the next 3,000 miles I should be clean and oil free.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Small Town America

As some of you may know already, I love the road trip. I think it is one of the greatest things to do on a sunny afternoon. Get in the car and go somewhere you have never been before. It's an invigorating feeling. Roll the windows down, get a bag of sunflower seeds, put in some Pete Yorn (that was for you James) and let the good times roll.
I have made many great road trips in my lifetime. I enjoy seeing America and wish to see more of it before I die. A good road trip was driving my new (I use that term loosely) car back from California with my Dad. Another great one was going to Las Vegas for the 1st Annual Getting Kicked In The Junk By Vegas road trip. Yeah, that was a good one.
Well, I have come upon a new venture I would like to embark on. I will need some feedback from you, the reader, though. What I would like to do is find a tiny town in America, one that would remind you of Mayberry. I don't want any corporation or big business to have defiled the city limits of our quaint village. It should be filled with Mom and Pop stores. I wish to travel to this city and live there for at least one week. I want to experience small town America for seven days or more.
When I arrive in my new settlement, I want it to take about 13 minutes for every resident to know a stranger is in town. If you know of any city with this type of description, please let me know. I don't mind if it is far away. I am willing to make the road trip. That's half the adventure. Please respond with some sort of city I can look into. Actually, if I can't find a website about the city because it is so small, that might be better. Let me know what you think.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

A Hundred Thousand Dollar Idea

I came up with a bumper sticker last night that would have made me many hundos. We've all heard, "Don't blame me. I voted for the other guy." Well, in Florida after the 2000 election I would have mass produced, "Don't blame me. I accidentally voted for him."

A Lesson Learned Is A Lesson Earned

Yesterday I substituted for a P.E. coach. I discovered it's a lot more fun to be in P.E. when you are the student than when you are the coach. I had forgotten a gym is one large echo chamber and when 80 kids are screaming and running around, it can get a little loud in there. It was not enjoyable and I have learned to stay away from P.E. classes.
Another lessoned I have learned is kids are liars. They will not necessarily lie but stretch the truth. The only plus about my job yesterday was I got to break up three different fights. With one fight, I restrained a child by pushing his neck. This act of aggresion was then passed along as I choked the child. The fib even grew to say I picked him up by his neck. This kid weighed 300 pounds easily, and it wasn't muscle.
Needless to say, I was not reprimanded for acting the way I did. In fact, the other coaches said I didn't need to worry at all. When they heard the story about me picking the kid up by his neck with one hand, they looked at me and decided to disregard the accusation. Good choice.
The kids were a little funny because the friends of the boy I supposedly picked up started asking what my name was and where I lived. They didn't get much out of me. I'm hard to crack.

Monday, November 01, 2004

The Easiest Day Ever

Today was a great day. I went to sub at a high school for a basketball coach this morning at 6:45. I'm talking in the a.m. for those of you who don't know me. I don't do 6:45 a.m. unless it's when I'm returning from a poker game somewhere in Arlington. The reason it was great is because I only had to be there for the first class and then I was sent home. His conference period was during second block and his last two classes were basketball practice. Needless to say, they didn't need me for that. So, I went home. I was home by 9:30. Again, this is all in the a.m.
Next, my friend Chad spent the night because his air conditioning was out at his newly built home. Hope he kept the receipt. My roommate James, Chad and I decided to play some PartyPoker.com. We played two tournaments and placed third in the first tourney and fourth in the final tourney. After lunch at Capt. Billy Wizzbang's Hamburgers, which is practically an Arlington landmark, I went back to my mom's computer to finish up some work and decided to play in one more tournament. This one I finished first in. Oh happy day.
I'm now going to go home and do some laundry and watch a movie. I'll probably watch Frankenstein. I love that movie.